Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Welcome to my Laboratory: Space Crystals, Pt. II

My deepest apologies, dear readers, for the tardiness of this post. I must confess that tragedy has befallen my most beloved endeavour, and I have been too distraught to blog. I hope that when I explain what fate hath wrought, you will understand . . .

My space crystals have failed to grow! Sure, there are little crispy-looking things at the bottom of the solution, but nary a giant virile citrine crystal! *faint*

Do you see any space crystals? (No. Just a rock covered in orange dust.)

What's worse, the experiment's instruction booklet says that this plight may be the result of an imprecise measurement of boiling water on my part. (The horror!)

Is all for naught? Nein -- I have been assured that I if add more water to the growing solution, I still might be able to grow thick, luscious crystals. I will do as suggested. Until then -- carry on, dear readers. Carry on.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Welcome to my Laboratory: Space Crystals, part 1


Nothing like a three-day weekend to guilt you into starting all those projects you should have finished three months ago. Like getting your oil changed. Or pulling up weeds in the backyard. Or growing your own homemade SPACE CRYSTALS!

According to the box, this Space Age Crystal Growing Kit will produce glittering, symmetrical crystals in only one week! Natural crystals take thousands of years to grow. So yeah, that's a pretty good deal. 

All you have to do is pour (almost all of) the crystal powder into a plastic container, add 1 cup and 3 tablespoons of boiling water, and stir. Then, you pour the resulting solution over a rock in a second plastic container, and cover this container for one hour. Then, after one hour, you take the lid off and sprinkle the rest of the crystal powder onto the rock and . . . it turns out this is more complicated than I thought it would be. 

As instructed, I placed the crystals in the most temperature-consistent area of the house: in the bedroom, next the CD player. I then exposed it to Jackie Wilson's "Higher and Higher" -- er, I mean, Nirvana's With the Lights Out (Disc 3), which, it turns out, is a pretty pointless collection to have if you convinced your Mom to buy you every Nirvana recording in existence in 1995, like I did. 

No psychoreactive properties have been recorded (yet).

But the crystals should form soon. I'll keep you posted. 

Total Eclipse of the Moon!

Wednesday, February 20th will be your last chance to see a total lunar eclipse until 2010!

The eclipse begins at 8:43 pm EST and ends at 12:09 EST. (Which means the eclipse will begin before sunset on the West Coast. Bummer.)
The last total lunar eclipse occured August 28, 2007.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Lost Roses


Dear Jasmine B., 

I have your roses. 

I found them on my doorstep when I got home from work tonight. Bill sent them. He apparently cares very strongly for you because they're arranged in a classy glass vase and accented with mosses, orchids and other flowers I cannot identify without a field guide.  Oh - and they're from  Mark's Garden. This shit ain't cheap. 

So if you want 'em, come and get 'em. But if you and Bill are on the outs and you're just going to put them in rubbing alcohol or something, I will gladly keep them.

Yours truly, 


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Long Live the Chicago Dog

The search for the best Chicago-style hot dog in LA was on my "To Do" list for 2008, but it turns out that Losanjealous' Kid Danger has already done my work for me.

Check it out.


Now I can get to those guitar lessons.